There was a moment of time in my life where I was given permission to give initiation by the Divine Lineage I follow.
Initially I was resisting to train and initiate people for there was a criteria that I followed. It was a beautiful relationship allowing one to have deeper connection with the disciples, wherein the core was not related to the self but more with the inner SELF at both ends. The whole way allowed a Guru and Shishya to know each other, evaluate each other. The depth of the Sishya was more important and also ways of knowing should be deeper wherein one is ready to go beyond there conditions to learn the beautiful ways of Caitya. The evaluation of the self with the self and SELF with the SELF may take a moment or years or a lifetime. The only criteria remained was a intention and I used to seek permission and then give the way.
As time passed I ended up meeting many people who used to come to me who were having ulterior motives, emulating openness, testing me, facking realities, lying or many were meeting just to find a way of insulting or mocking me but as the way was I knew it can bring them awareness one moment of time in their lives. They had somewhere some level of goodness which was veiled under layers of masks, that goodness they never wanted to get connected to. My heart knew what I had to do, my principle never changed and will never change for the core is the Divine Energy that revealed the way. So they had a intent even at the grossest level, without even an iota of commitment, still it was an intent so the way was given at the level they could manage and they just withered away but my body and mind took a heavy toll, breaking me from within for at the grossest levels the sins emerged from them found a good place within my absorbing body. It keep on breaking me and I could sense the my loved ones and family going through a deep pain and anguish seeing my condition, but I was happy that I could be able to be of some service on the path of relieving people of some of their burdens. The body broke to an extent wherein I started having heavy chest pains, continuous blackouts, memory loss and extreme body exhaustion. I knew it could not get worse then I had a heavy hit which made me stutter, forget people and even events to such an extent that someone had to bring me back home few times. Under such circumstances it was a moment for me to realize something seriously wrong, the Divine Spark, My Master allowed me to give me the way of coming back to core of my awakening. It was a moment of truth a moment of dance, for the parched land within longing for rain was submerged in the downpour of grace and light, allowing new creation to emerge, every single pore that was holding one to the untold list of gross loads of others were blown away like the leaves of trees get cleansed with wind and water. The extreme polarity within interchangeable energies, breaking the setting in moulds of body and mind leaving my every single pore in a ecstatic condition. It was a moment of momentous dance, a dance of simultaneous dissolution and creation, it was a moment of moment, transcending the time and space. It was not a moment of removing myself from the spiritual progression, away from contemplation, discourses and meditation on entities and deities, for HE was there and in Him I existed like HE existed in me, leaving me alive. Clad. In my absolute, primordial nakedness I was free from all covering of “Illusion”, beyond name and form completely beyond the illusory effects of illusion. Such truth simply burns them away allowing one to become alive, infinite, ecstatic allowing the creation to happen.
My mind and intellect became purer allowing the finite mind to transcend all limitations and attains its true nature, experiencing the innermost consciousness while being in the Conscious state of the Divine. It was this state of physical and mental learning given by Divine that allowed me to realize what I had forgotten in this mortal body for the distinction of knowing good and bad exist only as a perception of a projected condition. The moment that condition too dropped allowing me to rise from the conditional sickness of the body to the Truth, which is Truth of all truths, is only to be experienced; and when a man of Divine experiences that, he becomes full to the brim, as it were allowing one to reconnect back to the silence. The present becomes a reality, leaving no past or future even in the projected thoughts allowing one to shatter the delusion of what it is not, allowing one to know what it is. The moment wherein the body remained separate allowing my entire essence to merge back into the creators essence, making me one of HIM, in all ways and manner.